A few weeks ago, my 17-year old was completing an assignment for English class. He was to recall verbal messages he heard during his childhood and early teen years and compile them into an essay with a central theme such as gender role, interests or orientation. I talked with him about the assignment. While I could remember his developmental milestones in great detail along with plentiful anecdotes, he had trouble with the recollections. He also remembered very few positive messages he had heard about anything, although I know that there were many.

“I don’t like to think about those times of my life,” he reported. “I just like to live in the here and now.”

Perhaps that’s better for now, although I hope he’ll eventually draw strength from the difficult times. Like so many gay youth, my son endured years of torture. For him, things became so painful that I home-schooled him for most of middle school. Those were the worst times; ages 11-14.

While my son had many gifts and assets and experienced a rather privileged childhood in the safety net of a highly diverse family, countless teens lack a base of support to fall back on. Some teens, forced to go it alone, handle bullying and torture in isolation. Their families and teachers never hear of the hell that they live each day. And even if the families do hear about the torture, many respond inappropriately by telling their kids to toughen up; deal with it. 

According to a study in Counseling Today, gay youth hear anti-gay slurs such as “homo, faggot and sissy” about 26 times a day. That’s four every hour - one every 14 minutes. Further, the study reports the school dropout rate for LGBT students is 28%; three times the dropout rate for straight students. 

At its best, the verbal and physical bullying leads to distractions from schoolwork, poor peer relationships and feeling depressed. But it gets much worse. Several studies cite suicide rates for LGBT youth as three times the national average. It’s a war out there for our kids and schools provide a big battlefield.

No wonder, LGBT youth are more likely to stay home with feigned illness or simply skip school due to the verbal abuse and threats of bullying. Our friend Brian recalls how gym class was the worst time of his week- and one of the worst memories of his life.

 “Gym class was every Tuesday and Thursday and somehow, I’d feel really sick those mornings. The bullying happened all day long but gym class was unbearable. I could have been a good student but gym class kept me home 40% of the time.” 

So what can teachers do? Build relationships, establish trust and let students know you are an ally by displaying a symbol of diversity in your classroom and mentioning your LGBT connections.

A teacher in a conservative parochial school reports that when she mentioned her gay son, she became a confidant to dozens of students who needed a listener and an ally. Another teacher displayed a safe schools sticker he received from GLSEN and every week, he had poignant tales of how one 3”x5” sticker opened doors and saved lives.

If Brian had one teacher to listen and understand during the most difficult times, his academic career and life outcomes could have been transformed. An ally teacher or community contact could have provided even more for countless other youth. Unfortunately, these youth are not available for interview. They are only precious memories who provide daunting statistics of the impact of bullying; young lives pointlessly lost in despair—through suicide. Lives that could have been saved if only one person showed they cared.

GLSEN, the Gay, Lesbian and Straight Education Network, recommends four approaches that schools can begin implementing now to address anti-LGBT bullying and harassment.

1. Adopt a comprehensive anti-bullying policy that enumerates categories such as race, gender, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation and gender expression/identity. Enumeration is crucial to ensure that anti-bullying policies are effective for LGBT students. Policies without enumeration are no more effective than having no policy at all when it comes to anti-LGBT bullying and harassment, according to GLSEN’s 2005 National School Climate Survey

2. Require staff trainings to enable school staff to identify and address anti-LGBT name-calling, bullying and harassment effectively and in a timely manner.

3. Support student efforts to address anti-LGBT bullying and harassment on campus, such as the formation of a Gay-Straight Alliance or participation in the National Day of Silence on April 25.

4. Institute age-appropriate, inclusive curricula to help students understand and respect difference within the school community and society as a whole.