Guest Writer: Bea Green

   It can easily happen that an oppressed group will become so focused on its oppression that it cannot recognize how insidious a victim mentality may be. Thus it is, I believe, with lesbians and body image. Popular culture insistently tells women that they must be thin. Virtue is in diet and an exercise routine, while moral restraint elsewhere has been sacrificed to a “just do it” imperative. It seems that indulgence reigns except when it comes to indulging our appetites for food. In contemporary culture and for women especially, over-eating not promiscuity is the ultimate sin.
When I was 45 years old I got into a conversation after too much wine with a friend who I loved very deeply. She told me that I should lose weight so that being seen with me would not embarrass her. She suggested stomach surgery. I was hurt, told her so and we didn't speak for several years.
But I was morbidly obese. And by 1997 I weighed 386 pounds. I had to do something drastic. My life was all about my work, commuting to and from and at home, reading, TV and the computer. I had a partner but not much of a social life.
Growing up chubby, I felt stigmatized if my mother bought me fat clothes, so when I could finally buy my own clothes, I bought men’s slacks, shirts and sweaters. My size confined me to a cultural ghetto where claiming a lesbian feminist identity was a way to defend against the stigma associated with being fat.
Women’s fashion largely ignored us unless you wanted to buy “fat clothes”. What choice there was, was limited. There was expensive up-scale feminine attire designed for large straight women, more moderately priced garments at specialty stores like Lane Bryant, but for the working class and poor, the selections were cheap and shapeless.
I remember the rush I’d feel as a big proud woman in a group of lesbians at Women’s Music concerts and then later, on my first Olivia Cruise. Women’s space was free from the sexism, dress code oppression, and body image tyranny that straight society imposed everywhere else. I was “out” and I was proud and I never guessed that I was in any danger because of my “politics”.
But no amount of denial could get around the fact that I was fat and as the years went by the weight became a disability. After a complete physical, psychological and behavioral evaluation, and pre-op visit, I was accepted for gastric bypass surgery. It was horrendous and the weeks following were difficult. Since then I have lost 240 pounds and I know I probably would not be alive if I had not had the surgery. I don't have any problems now with cholesterol or blood pressure 'though I do have severe osteoarthritis from having carried so much weight for so long.
As long as the lesbian feminist community continues to encourage overweight women to shelter unchallenged among us, we are not practicing the sisterhood that has been a core value in our movement from the beginning. Sisters do not let sisters kill themselves.
What to do? First of all – get real! Look in the mirror and ask yourself what you have done in the past to lose weight; what worked and what did not? Do some research and learn what the options are now and what will it take to succeed this time? Know that, whatever you decide, there is something that will work for you. Then, bite the bullet and commit to a weight reduction plan.
The Community can offer support by having those who have been successful in their weight reduction mentor women who are just beginning weight loss programs. Provide exercise classes and fitness training to women who want to maintain a desirable weight and level of fitness.
We don't have to believe the stuff we're told in women's magazines to motivate us to buy into yet the latest diet fad. But I think that you do have to own your part of the responsibility for your weight and your health. Too much extra weight will kill you and life is too good, we have too much to do, to let go of it before the very last minute we can squeeze from fate.

Editors note: This is a personal account from B.Green of her past struggles with being overweight – and about accepting the responsibility to become healthy. I, for one, know that I owe it to myself to improve my health. And my wardwrobe. PrideFest will be launching a new area at this years festivities: The Health and Wellness Area, where several organizations and groups will gather to promote healthier lifestyles. Be sure to stop on by.